I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize