Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
