I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
