The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Randomize
