Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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