You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
