If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize