i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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