Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
