so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
