I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
