Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
