I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
