so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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