You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
