You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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