Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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