i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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