I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
