i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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