He uses pillows to masturbate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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