It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
