Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
