I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
