Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
sex in a hospital.. check
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
