Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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