Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
