i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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