oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she told me i tasted like america
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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