I heard we made out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
