She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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