His pubic hair was longer than his dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize