I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
