Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
