I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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