i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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