I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
