his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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