so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
