He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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