Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
