remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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