Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
