i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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