I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize