I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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