u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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