I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
