Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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