no, he came in my armpit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
