guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
