So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize