umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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