my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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