did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
