Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
