I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
