Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
